When It Was Me
by princessjoey630
Summary: Ziva's thoughts on Tony and Jeanne...and herself. Oneshot. Tiva.


* * *

A/N You know what? Being on hiatus sucks (if you have no idea what I'm talking about read the authors note at the bottom of the epilogue of Protector).

I was reading another fic that mentioned this song. Ever since I first heard it it's been stuck in my head. It's a great Tiva song.

This is my first songfic. I cancelled out some of the lyrics and everything and I realise it doesn't fit perfectly with the song but yeah...

Enjoy!

Song - When It Was Me by Paula DeAnda.

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When It Was Me

Ziva arrived at the squadroom to find it empty of people.

Tony was around somewhere; his things had been thrown behind his desk as usual.

"Well, I don't know, what do you..." Ziva could hear him. On the phone. With _her._

_-_

_She's got green eyes and she's 5'5"_

_Long brown hair all down her back_

_Cadillac truck_

_So the hell what_

_What's so special about that_

_-_

Thing had been like this for months now. Tony always on the phone or disappearing or daydreaming or doing something that involved her.

_Jeanne._ Her name was Jeanne.

Ziva only knew this because she'd 'overheard' a conversation between the two of them.

It was weird. Tony was hers. Had been since long before _Jeanne_.

-

_She used to model, she's done some acting_

_So she weighs a buck o' five_

_And I guess that she's alright_

_If perfection's what you like_

-

Ziva had never actually seen Jeanne at the office. Just the odd photo that Tony would leave on his computer screen.

Jeanne was pretty, there was no denying it. Ziva could see why Tony had fallen for her.

What was her job? Maybe she worked near the hospital. It would explain Tony's eagerness to always go there.

Maybe she was the _doctor_ he always went to see.

-

_And I'm not jealous, no I'm not._

_I just want everything she's got_

_You look at her so amazed_

_I remember way back when you used to look at me that way_

-

Ziva could remember all the times she and Tony had been dangerously close. When they were undercover together, when they were trapped in the container, even just sitting in the squadroom together.

She had convinced herself that she wasn't jealous. Disappointed was more the word. She had lost her chance really. Tony was so in love with Jeanne.

Love. He had actually said that to Jeanne when they were hanging up the phone.

-

_Tell me what makes her so much better than me_

_What makes her just everything that I can never be_

_What makes her your every dream and fantasy_

_Because I can remember when it was me_

-

"Hey, Ziva," Tony said as he walked back to his desk. Ziva quickly busied herself with paperwork; she didn't want him knowing she had been standing in the middle of the officer listening in on his conversation.

"Hi Tony."

What was so good about _Jeanne?_

Then it hit her - maybe it was because they were opposites.

Ziva killed people. Jeanne the doctor saved them.

Again, Ziva found herself staring across the room at Tony.

"Ziva? You alright?" he said, catching her.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," she mumbled back.

-

_And now you don't feel the same_

_I remember you would shiver every time I said your name_

_You said nothing felt as good as when you gazed into my eyes_

_Now you don't care I'm alive_

_How did we let the fire die_

-

Ziva stared at her hands. She remembered their connection when she had first joined the team. She remembered when Tony would come to her house after Gibbs had left to make sure she was alright. He was sweet. But now that he had _Jeanne_, he had no time for her. No time after work for a drink. No time during their lunch break. He always disappeared to see _her_.

_-_

_When it was me_

_That made you smile_

_That made you laugh_

_Me that made you happier than you had ever been_

_Oh me_

_That was your world_

_Your perfect girl_

_Nothing about me has changed_

_That's why I'm here wondering_

_-_

Ziva had been the one who watched Tony bounce back from Kate's death. She watched him go through his multiple relationships. And now that he was with someone else, she wanted it to be her more than ever.

Nothing had changed about her, had it?

-

_Tell me what makes her so much better than me_

_What makes her just everything that I can never be_

_What makes her your every dream and fantasy_

_Because I can remember when it was me_

-

Maybe one day Ziva would get to meet this _Jeanne_. Maybe one day Tony would introduce them.

But until then, she would sit back. Because watching Tony be happy was worth everything in the world.

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A/N Please review! I hope you liked it.

I seriously don't know where I was going with this fic. I didn't plan it or anything.

Also sorry if it was sappy. I was watching the season finale of _The Farmer Wants A Wife_ while writing it. :)

I'm trying to take a break!! --must…stop…writing…--


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